I work with students. Mostly juniors
and seniors. Mostly students who have had problems learning in traditional high
schools. Mostly students who have failed, in some way, academically. And mostly, I LOVE my
job. Seriously, I wouldn’t trade where I work or the kids in my classes for
anything. Recently, though, I’ve been wondering about connections. I see how effortlessly some teachers relate to students and observe others who struggle to find common ground. Some teachers have former students who visit periodically while others are as lonely as the Maytag repairman. So what is it that allows
some teachers to connect so easily with kids while others have a difficult time
doing so?
Research states that students who
connect with a caring adult (teacher/mentor) early on in their high school
experience have a greater chance of matriculating with their cohort class. The
reason most kids drop out of school, especially after freshman year (the
riskiest year for at-risk students)? The students have no strong relationships
with a caring adult.
I teach the “dropouts.” Those
students who have flailed in high school but never bad enough for intervention.
Or if they did have an intervention, they grew frustrated and discouraged and
quit. When asked, most students don’t have a high school teacher they connected
with at their former school. They refer to their middle or elementary teachers
as being someone to whom they responded, not anyone in high school.
So what does it take to develop
relationships with students? According to a study done by University of
Minnesota researchers, students feel more connected to teachers and their
school when the teacher shows empathy and is consistent. One of the
researchers, Robert Blum, MD, PhD, stated that teachers who make students feel
important, show empathy and consistency, allow students to manage themselves, and
encourage them to make their own decisions will have a stronger relationship
with students resulting in fewer discipline problems and more connected
students.
The research proves out what I see
daily in my classroom. For readers who have never been a teacher, let me tell
you, teaching involves much more than instruction. That is about two thirds of
what I spend my time on. The rest is spent on kids, and developing that
relationship and being a mentor and guide. I want students to feel safe in my
room, to know I care, and to approach me, if needed, with things going on in
their lives. But to do that, I need to have a relationship with them.
So how can teachers develop this
kind of relationship? I say every student is different. I’ve had some that
never melted the iceberg which encased them. Others had Mt. Everest on their
shoulder while others put up walls to keep from being hurt. In my years of
working with students, all 24 of them, I’d say there’s an innate knowing of how
to handle each student.
Yet
despite how you approach them, all students want basically the same things.
They want structure/boundaries. Even though it may not seem like it, I believe
students feel safest when they know how far they can go. They like structure
and the security it offers them. Students, at least my students, want to be
treated like adults, shown respect and given responsibility for their own
learning. This correlates to the study cited previously—allow students to
manage themselves and make their own decisions.
I’d
also agree with empathy and consistency. To build relationships with kids I
think it’s important to be an active listener and to be fair/consistent with
how you handle situations.
Another
key to developing relationships with students is to not be stingy with the
praise. Kids love to get feedback, especially positive feedback. Who doesn’t
like to be told he/she has done something well? How much more for insecure
teens who question their every move? Praise is important for all of us,
including teens.
There
are many more strategies to develop relationships with students. However you
look at it, relationships are vital to seeing students be successful in the
classroom. No matter what others may think, teachers know that making students
feel they matter and are important, in verbal and nonverbal ways, are
foundations to building strong relationships with students.
And
that can make all the difference.
Great piece Eileen!
ReplyDeleteYou have hit the nail on the head with this one Eileen
ReplyDelete